Boston

So, I'm in Boston and I am officiating at a wedding tomorrow and I really, really need to get some sleep because I am officiating at a wedding tomorrow AND because I know I am keeping my roommates awake.

When I originally planned this trip, I was going to be in a room by myself. I have the bride's daughters bunking with me.... girls I have known for years... and yet, in many way they are strangers and then again when I look at them I see the reflection of The Girl and.... well, I feel even more like I've made a mess of everything.  I mean, more than I usually feel that.

The thing is, I love these girls and it was my idea to have them bunk with me and I hope that maybe, in some small way, this helps them to remember that there are people who care about them outside of the people that they EXPECT to have care about them.

I am the last person in the world who should be giving marital advice, so I always find it completely ironic that I am officiating at weddings.  But there is a part of me that loves it.  Maybe it's a sort of finding redemption for all of the things I feel I've messed up. Maybe it is just feeling I am giving other people a shot at finding the happiness that has eluded me in marriage.

Whatever the underlying reason... I'm in Boston. I'm officiating at a wedding tomorrow.  Hoping it will hold off on the rain until AFTER the ceremony. Although, into every life a little rain must fall...better to get it out of the way at the start, right?

Whirlwind

I'm going to Boston in a few days. I have a ton of things to get done before then.  So, what did I do today? I took a bunch of clothes out of my closet and put them into a Space Bag.  Because that's the sort of thing that I do when I feel overwhelmed.  Yes, "in the big picture" it will make things easier for me, but it wasn't something I needed to do today.  I also cleaned litterboxes (which DID need to get done) and vacuumed the bedroom (also needed to be done).

It would be a lie to say I'm not nervous.  I am scared of the travel part. Which is totally absurd for someone who has been traveling on planes since they were very small, but it's the truth, nonetheless.  The last time I was on a plane (I think) was a trip to San Francisco.  I hope this trip ends up far better than that one.

I am afraid of crying during some part of the ceremony. And I am petrified about the whole photo part of this whole thing.   I hate being photographed with a passion.  I don't know what I'm going to do with my hair yet and I don't know what jewelry to wear or not wear and I am wondering if I should go through my jewelry box and see if I can find something nice.

This week is going to fly by.  I'm going to have to get what I want to get done around the house done tomorrow (Sunday) because there just really won't be time during the rest of the week. Thursday, I will be busy packing and checking and re-checking lists. And then I will be off to the airport.

Friday is rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Have I mentioned that while I know the Bride and her children, I don't think I know anyone else who will be at the wedding. Yeah, I am a little freaked out.  Except there is the saving grace that it is unlikely that I will ever see most of these people again, so if I can create and maintain the illusion of being a nice, normal person until Monday, it's a win.  Saturday is wedding. Sunday is brunch and then, in a sort of weird last minute side trip that I feel I need to take, I am going to go on the train down to another part of MA to see my stepsister... who I've not seen in THIRTY years.  No, nothing traumatic happened, my stepsisters were all grown and gone by the time our parents married. This will be my first time seeing my stepsister in my adult life.  How you cram that much catching up into a small timeframe, I have no idea.  And then, at an ungodly hour on Monday morning, I come back home. (Cue more travel anxiety).  And then I will probably take a nap.  And Tuesday morning, I will once again be back on the bus, headed to work...

How long is long enough?

I found myself wondering today if there is an appropriate time one must wait before identifying themselves as "single" following a divorce.  My Wasband listed his relationship status as single pretty much immediately following the divorce while I tagged myself as "divorced".    I don't mean to suggest that it was inappropriate for him to choose the label that he did, but I confess that it made me feel as if our relationship had either never occurred or that it was so unimportant to him that he didn't "count" it (this was NOT a Kardashian 72-day marriage, it was a 12-year marriage).  I think it would be a disservice to any woman he ends up seriously dating in the future (although he has shown no inclination to do so that I am aware of) to not reveal his "previously married" status so that an informed decision can be made.  I mean, it probably would not change anything significant for me to find out someone I wanted to date was divorced but I'd want to know.  What is an issue for one person may not be an issue for another.  For instance, if you LOVE ballroom dancing and the person you end up dating HATES to dance, there will probably end up being an ongoing issue in the relationship.  True, sometimes these things can be overcome/worked around but if you are a smoker, you probably want to stay away from the asthmatic who needs an inhaler at the mention of the WORD smoke, right?

But I don't know if there are rules of etiquette that dictate that "thou shalt identify thyself as a divorced person forever after having divorced" or if that applies only to females or how it all works. It isn't something keeping me awake at night but I have to admit that at my High School's Alumni website, I tagged myself as "single".  Because I didn't want to advertise my divorce to a bunch of people who I have no reason to share too much personal information with.  I have to laugh that my high school considers me "lost", yet mails me things all the time asking for money... so, I guess that, in alumni parlance, "lost" really means "we are assuming s/he doesn't get our mail because we are sure her fond memories of our fine institution spark in her, as they do in all alumni receiving our mailings, the overwhelming desire to immediately drain their bank accounts and send the money to us."

Someone asked me where I've been today, which makes me wonder if the blogosphere has been having parties that I have not been invited to. I wouldn't doubt it for a minute.  I have so many things in my mind right now that I am probably missing out on tons of killer networking opportunities because I can't keep up with all of the emails and social media notifications... But I love all my internet friends, so I'm not complaining, just commenting.

Ok, a dozen things to do, then bed!

Jumping into June

June is going to be a very busy month.  Most of that will come from preparing for and executing the whole wedding thing.  I have the clothing and accessories for the wedding, so no worries there (I don't have footwear but I have something that would be marginally acceptable that will just have to do).

I am also trying some new things.  I'm naturally pale. Like, almost translucently pale.  I don't tolerate sun well (I'm allergic to sunlight, actually) and was thinking that, for the wedding, maybe "deathly pale" was not such a good look.  That being said, I have no desire to become "Oompa Loompa" orange, either.  I'll let you know more as my experimenting continues.

I should have been in bed a couple of hours ago. However, the panic about everything I have to do this month plus panic about traveling has kicked in.  I didn't accomplish nearly enough this weekend but I did get a few things done.  At this point, it will be painful to get up in the morning and try to function. But I have no choice.  Additionally, the bosslady won't be in the office tomorrow so things will be extra chaotic.

Ok, I need to get off to bed now. Goodnight! Have a fabulous week!