Wednesday, June 6, 2012
How long is long enough?
I found myself wondering today if there is an appropriate time one must wait before identifying themselves as "single" following a divorce. My Wasband listed his relationship status as single pretty much immediately following the divorce while I tagged myself as "divorced". I don't mean to suggest that it was inappropriate for him to choose the label that he did, but I confess that it made me feel as if our relationship had either never occurred or that it was so unimportant to him that he didn't "count" it (this was NOT a Kardashian 72-day marriage, it was a 12-year marriage). I think it would be a disservice to any woman he ends up seriously dating in the future (although he has shown no inclination to do so that I am aware of) to not reveal his "previously married" status so that an informed decision can be made. I mean, it probably would not change anything significant for me to find out someone I wanted to date was divorced but I'd want to know. What is an issue for one person may not be an issue for another. For instance, if you LOVE ballroom dancing and the person you end up dating HATES to dance, there will probably end up being an ongoing issue in the relationship. True, sometimes these things can be overcome/worked around but if you are a smoker, you probably want to stay away from the asthmatic who needs an inhaler at the mention of the WORD smoke, right?
But I don't know if there are rules of etiquette that dictate that "thou shalt identify thyself as a divorced person forever after having divorced" or if that applies only to females or how it all works. It isn't something keeping me awake at night but I have to admit that at my High School's Alumni website, I tagged myself as "single". Because I didn't want to advertise my divorce to a bunch of people who I have no reason to share too much personal information with. I have to laugh that my high school considers me "lost", yet mails me things all the time asking for money... so, I guess that, in alumni parlance, "lost" really means "we are assuming s/he doesn't get our mail because we are sure her fond memories of our fine institution spark in her, as they do in all alumni receiving our mailings, the overwhelming desire to immediately drain their bank accounts and send the money to us."
Someone asked me where I've been today, which makes me wonder if the blogosphere has been having parties that I have not been invited to. I wouldn't doubt it for a minute. I have so many things in my mind right now that I am probably missing out on tons of killer networking opportunities because I can't keep up with all of the emails and social media notifications... But I love all my internet friends, so I'm not complaining, just commenting.
Ok, a dozen things to do, then bed!